Are you and your partner fighting all the time? Are you concerned that your arguments might be impacting the kids? Do you act more like roommates than lovers? Have you stopped having sex? Do you disagree on topics such as parenting, finances, or weekend plans? Are you missing the connection and love you once had? Have you or your spouse had an affair? Is alcohol or depression influencing your relationship? Are you thinking about separation or divorce?
Most couples face challenges in their relationship. Most people are winging it when it comes to love and romantic relationships. Our couples therapists can teach you skills that lead to life long love. Utilizing an approach, called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), we guide couples to improve communication, enhance connection, and revitalize intimacy. EFCT is an effective and empirically validated therapy model. Ninety percent of couples that move through the EFT process find that their relationship improves and 75 percent of couples move from a distressed state to a satisfied state.
We work with all kinds of couples and relationships. Many couples we work with have great relationships and need support on a few issues. Others start therapy in a state of marital crisis. Regardless of the difficulties that are brought forward, couples therapy is designed for those wanting to work together to improve their relationship. We do not judge, blame, or take sides. You can expect to do deep transformational work with us, yet our approach is practical, direct, and dedicated to helping you make progress toward your specific goals.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you tell me more about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is a therapeutic model that was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It offers a structured, experiential, and humanistic approach to relationship change based on attachment theory. The process has three stages and nine steps. In stage one we get to know the couple. We learn about their unique strengths, challenges, patterns, and where they get stuck. Our focus is on helping the couple to work together as a team to communicate better and connect more. In stage two we begin to explicitly shift how the couple interacts through supporting each person to share authentically, support each other, and clearly express needs and wants. In stage three we focus on developing new solutions to old problems, deepen bonding, and support each individual and partner to take steps towards hopes and dreams. In every session, couples have the opportunity to bring forward specific challenges they are struggling with, such as conflict, sex, infidelity, parenting, or finances.
I am not sure talking to someone about our marriage will help. What makes you qualified?
Our therapists specialize in couples therapy, marriage counseling, and relationships. They have Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and are Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, they engage in ongoing training and consultation in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Your therapist will facilitate a process that creates change from the inside out. You will never come in and "just talk about your problems or rehash arguments". Instead you and your therapist will work together to actively shape the relationship you desire.
Do you offer premarital counseling?
Yes we offer premarital counseling. This process helps couples gain insights into relationship dynamics, commitment levels, personality, spiritual beliefs, and family systems. In addition, couples discover how to strengthen their bond and make their love last.
We have a good marriage. We just want help with communication. Do we really need therapy for this?
We have discovered that most couples communicate well when they are feeling close and connected. Yet when couples experience conflict, their communication skills tend to go out the window. Communication is complex. The messages we send to others are influenced by emotions, verbal language, body language, thoughts, memories, facial expressions, past experiences, and tone of voice. Food, sleep, substances, and our general state of wellbeing also impact how we communicate. Therapy helps couples raise awareness, and shift, the underlying dynamics that drive their communication patterns.
We rarely have sex anymore. Is this something you can help us with?
Absolutely. Couples therapy includes sex therapy. For most people sex is a vital aspect of their romantic relationship. The process of couples therapy begins with helping couples create a solid foundation and new ways of interacting with each other. Once this is solidly established we help our clients explore and enhance their sexual connection.
I had an affair and told my spouse. I feel so remorseful and want to save our marriage. Can you help?
Yes we can help. You are in the right place and we are here for you. We provide counseling that is non-blaming and non-shaming. Affairs can be deeply painful for both partners and many can experience symptoms associated with post traumatic stress. Yet most couples discover that with therapy they are able to heal, recover, and stay together if this is their goal. We are trained in the attachment injury repair model and successfully help couples work through their pain and restore their relationship to a fulfilled state.
Can you help me save my marriage?
We help our couples meet their goals for therapy, whatever their goals may be. At the beginning of our work together we will help each partner articulate what it is they want to get out of the therapy process. If couples have a goal to save their marriage, yes, we can help you do this.
I cannot decide whether to stay in my relationship or go. What do I do?
This is a common dilemma that is best discussed in therapy. We cannot give direct advice, nor do we form an opinion on, whether someone stays in their relationship or leaves. Generally speaking, through the work of therapy most people will create healthy and fulfilling relationships. Many find peace of mind in knowing that they are trying everything they can to improve their relationship before making this decision. If you are seriously considering leaving your marriage, we encourage you to share this with your therapist.
I am not sure I have any energy left to put into my marriage. How can you help?
Some couples begin therapy at a time when one or both are seriously considering divorce. During the assessment process we will explore your commitment levels. Therapy tends to help couples tap into the energy and hope they have for improving their relationship. Other times, people decide that they want to leave in their marriage. In this case, we can provide support during the separation or divorce process. The assessment process with your therapist will help you develop more clarity.
We saw a therapist in the past who said she could not work with us because our fights get explosive. Will you work with us?
When we begin with a new couple we start with an assessment. During the assessment, we will learn more about the nature of your arguments and inquire about the levels of emotional and physical safety that are present within the relationship. We can begin therapy with almost all couples that are experiencing high conflict or explosive arguments. Sometimes we decide to start with individual sessions first and move our way into couples therapy. If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, we will want to do a thorough assessment to determine whether or not starting couple therapy will be safe.
I do not feel physically or emotionally safe in my relationship. Can you help?
Yes we can help. If you are being abused, whether this is physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually, couple therapy may not be safe. We encourage you to schedule individual therapy to discuss your concerns and become equipped with resources. To educate yourself on abuse in relationships at The Hotline website. For those local in San Diego, in need of help, we recommend you contact The Community Resource Center. Please note that our practice does not specialize in treating abuse, yet, we will support those in abusive relationships to get the professional help they need.
Our disagreements have to do with parenting, not our marriage. Will couples therapy be helpful?
Yes couples therapy will help. Couples struggle with parenting for a variety of reasons. Our work together will begin with helping you and your spouse communicate better. Once couples do this, they can solve most parenting problems on their own, or with some basic guidance. Sometimes we discover that a couple really could benefit from parent counseling or family therapy. In this case, we will collaborate with you to adjust goals for our work together.
My spouse and I want to open our relationship. Do you do therapy with couples in open marriages?
Yes. We work with couples practicing consensual non-monogamy and those in open marriages. Therapy can help you engage in meaningful dialogue and keep connection strong while navigating the complexities of open relationships.
How many sessions will we have to do?
Creating lasting change within relationships takes time. Some couples come into therapy expecting that their problems will be solved in one or two sessions. Although we want to see clients meet their goals as quickly as possible, it takes time to create lasting change.
The first four sessions of our work together is an assessment process. After this, we get to work helping couples transform the way they communicate and connect. Most couples can expect to complete a minimum of 12 sessions of therapy. This being said, you are never obligated to a certain number of sessions and you can end counseling with us at any time.
How often will we meet with you?
For therapy to be effective, clients should expect to meet once per week for 50 minutes. Generally we will reserve a recurring weekly day/time for you. For clients with busy schedules, frequent travel, or budget concerns, we may be able to be flexible with scheduling. Keep in mind that progress tends to be slower when we meet less than once per week.
Most couples face challenges in their relationship. Most people are winging it when it comes to love and romantic relationships. Our couples therapists can teach you skills that lead to life long love. Utilizing an approach, called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), we guide couples to improve communication, enhance connection, and revitalize intimacy. EFCT is an effective and empirically validated therapy model. Ninety percent of couples that move through the EFT process find that their relationship improves and 75 percent of couples move from a distressed state to a satisfied state.
We work with all kinds of couples and relationships. Many couples we work with have great relationships and need support on a few issues. Others start therapy in a state of marital crisis. Regardless of the difficulties that are brought forward, couples therapy is designed for those wanting to work together to improve their relationship. We do not judge, blame, or take sides. You can expect to do deep transformational work with us, yet our approach is practical, direct, and dedicated to helping you make progress toward your specific goals.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you tell me more about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is a therapeutic model that was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It offers a structured, experiential, and humanistic approach to relationship change based on attachment theory. The process has three stages and nine steps. In stage one we get to know the couple. We learn about their unique strengths, challenges, patterns, and where they get stuck. Our focus is on helping the couple to work together as a team to communicate better and connect more. In stage two we begin to explicitly shift how the couple interacts through supporting each person to share authentically, support each other, and clearly express needs and wants. In stage three we focus on developing new solutions to old problems, deepen bonding, and support each individual and partner to take steps towards hopes and dreams. In every session, couples have the opportunity to bring forward specific challenges they are struggling with, such as conflict, sex, infidelity, parenting, or finances.
I am not sure talking to someone about our marriage will help. What makes you qualified?
Our therapists specialize in couples therapy, marriage counseling, and relationships. They have Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and are Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, they engage in ongoing training and consultation in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. Your therapist will facilitate a process that creates change from the inside out. You will never come in and "just talk about your problems or rehash arguments". Instead you and your therapist will work together to actively shape the relationship you desire.
Do you offer premarital counseling?
Yes we offer premarital counseling. This process helps couples gain insights into relationship dynamics, commitment levels, personality, spiritual beliefs, and family systems. In addition, couples discover how to strengthen their bond and make their love last.
We have a good marriage. We just want help with communication. Do we really need therapy for this?
We have discovered that most couples communicate well when they are feeling close and connected. Yet when couples experience conflict, their communication skills tend to go out the window. Communication is complex. The messages we send to others are influenced by emotions, verbal language, body language, thoughts, memories, facial expressions, past experiences, and tone of voice. Food, sleep, substances, and our general state of wellbeing also impact how we communicate. Therapy helps couples raise awareness, and shift, the underlying dynamics that drive their communication patterns.
We rarely have sex anymore. Is this something you can help us with?
Absolutely. Couples therapy includes sex therapy. For most people sex is a vital aspect of their romantic relationship. The process of couples therapy begins with helping couples create a solid foundation and new ways of interacting with each other. Once this is solidly established we help our clients explore and enhance their sexual connection.
I had an affair and told my spouse. I feel so remorseful and want to save our marriage. Can you help?
Yes we can help. You are in the right place and we are here for you. We provide counseling that is non-blaming and non-shaming. Affairs can be deeply painful for both partners and many can experience symptoms associated with post traumatic stress. Yet most couples discover that with therapy they are able to heal, recover, and stay together if this is their goal. We are trained in the attachment injury repair model and successfully help couples work through their pain and restore their relationship to a fulfilled state.
Can you help me save my marriage?
We help our couples meet their goals for therapy, whatever their goals may be. At the beginning of our work together we will help each partner articulate what it is they want to get out of the therapy process. If couples have a goal to save their marriage, yes, we can help you do this.
I cannot decide whether to stay in my relationship or go. What do I do?
This is a common dilemma that is best discussed in therapy. We cannot give direct advice, nor do we form an opinion on, whether someone stays in their relationship or leaves. Generally speaking, through the work of therapy most people will create healthy and fulfilling relationships. Many find peace of mind in knowing that they are trying everything they can to improve their relationship before making this decision. If you are seriously considering leaving your marriage, we encourage you to share this with your therapist.
I am not sure I have any energy left to put into my marriage. How can you help?
Some couples begin therapy at a time when one or both are seriously considering divorce. During the assessment process we will explore your commitment levels. Therapy tends to help couples tap into the energy and hope they have for improving their relationship. Other times, people decide that they want to leave in their marriage. In this case, we can provide support during the separation or divorce process. The assessment process with your therapist will help you develop more clarity.
We saw a therapist in the past who said she could not work with us because our fights get explosive. Will you work with us?
When we begin with a new couple we start with an assessment. During the assessment, we will learn more about the nature of your arguments and inquire about the levels of emotional and physical safety that are present within the relationship. We can begin therapy with almost all couples that are experiencing high conflict or explosive arguments. Sometimes we decide to start with individual sessions first and move our way into couples therapy. If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, we will want to do a thorough assessment to determine whether or not starting couple therapy will be safe.
I do not feel physically or emotionally safe in my relationship. Can you help?
Yes we can help. If you are being abused, whether this is physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually, couple therapy may not be safe. We encourage you to schedule individual therapy to discuss your concerns and become equipped with resources. To educate yourself on abuse in relationships at The Hotline website. For those local in San Diego, in need of help, we recommend you contact The Community Resource Center. Please note that our practice does not specialize in treating abuse, yet, we will support those in abusive relationships to get the professional help they need.
Our disagreements have to do with parenting, not our marriage. Will couples therapy be helpful?
Yes couples therapy will help. Couples struggle with parenting for a variety of reasons. Our work together will begin with helping you and your spouse communicate better. Once couples do this, they can solve most parenting problems on their own, or with some basic guidance. Sometimes we discover that a couple really could benefit from parent counseling or family therapy. In this case, we will collaborate with you to adjust goals for our work together.
My spouse and I want to open our relationship. Do you do therapy with couples in open marriages?
Yes. We work with couples practicing consensual non-monogamy and those in open marriages. Therapy can help you engage in meaningful dialogue and keep connection strong while navigating the complexities of open relationships.
How many sessions will we have to do?
Creating lasting change within relationships takes time. Some couples come into therapy expecting that their problems will be solved in one or two sessions. Although we want to see clients meet their goals as quickly as possible, it takes time to create lasting change.
The first four sessions of our work together is an assessment process. After this, we get to work helping couples transform the way they communicate and connect. Most couples can expect to complete a minimum of 12 sessions of therapy. This being said, you are never obligated to a certain number of sessions and you can end counseling with us at any time.
How often will we meet with you?
For therapy to be effective, clients should expect to meet once per week for 50 minutes. Generally we will reserve a recurring weekly day/time for you. For clients with busy schedules, frequent travel, or budget concerns, we may be able to be flexible with scheduling. Keep in mind that progress tends to be slower when we meet less than once per week.
