By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

Back when I was parenting my three children at the ages 1, 3, and 5, I had the very best intentions and loved them deeply. Yet day after day, I found myself melting down with their tantrums, feeling frazzled with sibling fights, and white knuckling transitions (from dinner to bath, school to home, and park to car). I tried with all my might to do parenting well. Yet I was struggling. 

​By: Cristina Trette

Sometimes children act out in maddening ways. They tantrum, fight with siblings, or refuse to cooperate. When these kinds of behaviors happen in homes with frequency, many well-intended parents think that the remedy is punishment. We live in a culture that, generally speaking, tells us the way to change behavior is to reward "good" behavior and punish "bad" behavior. Yet, if you are anything like the hundreds parents I have worked with over the years, you may find that punishment does not help. You may also wonder, "if I am not going to reward or punish, what am I supposed to do?". ​

​By: Cristina Trette

After the birth of the first baby, 67 percent of couples see their relationship satisfaction plummet, according to research by John Gottman, PhD. The arrival of the first newborn throws most parents into a total life change overnight. Many couples, used to life of flexibility and autonomy, have a difficult time adjusting to the demands of a newborn, despite the fact that they love their new child. ​

By: Cristina Trette​

Let me start by saying, I love my kids deeply and I love being a mother. Yet those early years of parenting babies, toddlers, and kindergarteners were hard! My baby would wake me at the crack of dawn. This was followed by a brief moment of cuddles and coffee. Then came a swirl of breakfast, diapers, dressing, car seats, strollers, school drop off, cleaning, laundry, playdates, lunch, naps, more diapers, karate, soccer, dance, gymnastics, homework, dinner, show, bath, teeth, jammies, bedtime stories, and finally, sleep. ​

​By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

I was teaching a Joy of Parenting course to a smart and well-educated group of parents. When I asked the group to introduce themselves, I requested that they briefly share two things, 1. what is going well in parenting and, 2. what is difficult about parenting. One by one, names and difficulties were offered with enthusiasm and ease. Yet almost every parent had a hard time recalling and sharing about what was going well. 

​By: Cristina Trette

Sometimes everything is as good as it gets. Everyone in the family is rested, balanced, cooperative, and home life feels good. Then we go through periods where the kids struggle, life is rushed, and parenting feels hard. Let's face it, when we have little kids are home, family life can be unpredictable. One minute its all smiles and laughter and the next minute its tears and meltdowns. ​

Parenting is one of the most challenging endeavors we take on as humans. Being responsible for the survival of our young is no easy task. Beyond this, most parents aim to see their children go far beyond just survival. We want our children to thrive. It is easy to get distracted by all the parenting approaches out there that promise well-behaved and happy kids. Yet, as a therapist that specializes in working with parents, couples, and families, I can assure you that creating strong family relationships is the best parenting approach I know of. ​

By: Cristina Trette

Generally speaking, when my kids were young, they were well-behaved. Yet, they were kids! They had their moments of whining, fighting, and tantruming. In my attempt to be a great parent, I learned all I could on how to nip these behaviors in the bud. Back then, sugar-coated punishments and rewards were all the rage. I implemented sticker charts, point systems, planned ignoring, praise, removal of privileges, and time-outs. ​

​By: Cristina Trette

Recently I was chatting with some friends about various aspects of life. These are brilliant and loving women who are doing incredible things with their lives. Yet as we talked, what emerged was a strikingly simple theme: something was missing. We talked about how we wanted thriving careers, joyful families, passionate love lives, and great health. Simply put, we want it all. Yet, not a single one of us felt we had it all. ​

During the very early years of parenting, I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. I chose to stay home with my children. Although it was not easy, I appreciated the time we had for bonding. For many years, parenting was my sole purpose in life. Despite all the sleepless nights, feedings, diapers, tantrums, and afternoon marathons, parenting provided fulfillment that carried deep meaning for me. ​

By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

What exactly does trust mean? Does it mean that you know your partner won’t cheat on you? Or that you believe your partner will always tell the truth. Well, yes, it encompasses these examples, but true trust entails far more than this. True trust means that you know that your partner will be there for you. If the level of trust in your relationship is lower than you would like, read on for some trust building tips. ​

Mindfulness is moment to moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is being present and noticing what is going on inside of you, and around you. This means noticing our thoughts and feelings as well as our inner and outer experiences through a lens of acceptance. Mindfulness is also a practice. There are mindfulness meditations, exercises, and experiences we can all bring into our life on a regular basis. ​

I think it is safe to say that most parents have yelled at their kids before. Yelling can be a protective response, such as when a toddler runs into a busy street. In some situations yelling is reasonable and could prevent a child from harm. Yet there is another kind of yelling that happens far too often in too many homes that hurts the parent-child relationship. This kind of yelling is the... if you don’t stop crying I will give you something to cry about... kind of yelling. ​

​By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

How many times have you heard the story about someone embarking on a total life change upon the heels of illness, injury, divorce, or death? The great inspirer, Brendon Burchard, talks publicly about how a tragic car accident served as a catalyst for him to start living a life that matters. The motivational speaker, Klyn Elsbury, goes big towards dreams every single day, while simultaneously fighting Cystic Fibrosis a chronic, progressive, and frequently fatal illness. ​

​By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

Couples that have been together for multiple years (or decades) find they need to work at keeping their love alive. Many couples end up more like roommates than lover or feel something is missing from their relationship. If you can relate to this, keep reading. ​

By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

We will all encounter mis-communication, mis-steps and mis-understandings with the person we love. Conflict will happen. Some arguing within romantic relationships is normal. In fact, when couples never fight, this can indicate they are avoiding communication all together, which is not ideal.  In healthy relationships, when problems arise, we can go directly to our partner, have a conversation, and take steps towards resolution. We can also repair after an argument and find a way to get back on track. ​

By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

Long gone are the days when couples were expected to keep their relationship difficulties locked up behind closed doors. Today, couples therapy is in the spotlight. Former President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have shared publicly on their value of marriage counseling. Celebrities, such as Dax Sheppard and Kristen Bell and Pink and Carey Hart, speak up about how couples therapy in a key factor in their relationship happiness. Couples Therapy is quickly becoming popular, accepted, and understood as an important way for couples to prevent and overcome challenges and maintain long term relationship bliss. 

By: Cristina Trette, MA, LMFT

Couples tend to carry an array of expectations for the other and the relationship. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all have expectations on household duties, finances, decision making, housing, vacation, sleep, routines, parenting, raising children. Since this is a romantic relationship, and not a business arrangement, we also have expectations around sex, passion, intimacy, commitment, fidelity, connection, friendship, companionship, and partnership.