Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is a therapeutic model that was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It offers a structured, experiential, and humanistic approach to relationship change based on attachment theory. The process has three stages and nine steps. In stage one we get to know the couple. We learn about their unique strengths, challenges, patterns, and where they get stuck. Our focus is on helping the couple to work together as a team to communicate better and connect more. In stage two we begin to explicitly shift how the couple interacts through supporting each person to share authentically, support each other, and clearly express needs and wants. In stage three we focus on developing new solutions to old problems, deepen bonding, and support each individual and partner to take steps towards hopes and dreams. In every session, couples have the opportunity to bring forward specific challenges they are struggling with, such as conflict, sex, infidelity, parenting, or finances. 

Our therapists specialize in couples therapy and relationships. They have Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and are Licensed or Registered Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, they engage in ongoing training and consultation in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. All of our therapists have completed the Externship in Emotionally Focused Therapy. Many of our therapists have completed Core Skills Training in Emotionally Focused Therapy and are working toward EFT Certification. To learn more about EFT, the gold standard in couples therapy, visit www.iceeft.com. Your therapist will facilitate a process that creates change from the inside out. You and your therapist will work together to actively shape the relationship you desire. 

Yes, we offer premarital counseling. This process helps couples gain insights into relationship dynamics, commitment levels, personality, spiritual beliefs, and family systems. In addition, couples discover how to strengthen their bond and make their love last. 

We have discovered that most couples communicate well during the times they are feeling close and connected. Yet when couples experience conflict, their communication skills tend to go out the window. Communication is complex. The messages we send to others are influenced by emotions, verbal language, body language, thoughts, memories, facial expressions, past experiences, and tone of voice. Food, sleep, substances, and our general state of wellbeing also impact how we communicate. Therapy helps couples raise awareness, and shift, the underlying dynamics that drive their communication patterns. 

Absolutely. Couples therapy includes sex therapy. For most people sex is a vital aspect of their romantic relationship. The process of couples therapy begins with helping couples co-create a solid foundation and new ways of interacting with each other. Once this is solidly established we help our clients explore and enhance their sexual connection.

Yes, we can help. You are in the right place and we are here for you. We provide counseling that is directive while being non-blaming and non-shaming. Affairs can be deeply painful for both partners and many can experience symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress. Yet most couples discover that with therapy they are able to heal, recover, and stay together if this is their goal. We are trained in the attachment injury repair model and successfully help couples work through their pain and restore their relationship to a fulfilled state. 

Yes, of course! Most our clients come to therapy with the intention of staying married and strengthening their bond. We help our couples meet their goals for therapy, whatever their goals may be. At the beginning of our work together we will help each partner articulate what it is they want to get out of the therapy process. We are relational therapists and focused on helping our clients create safe and secure relationships.

This is a common dilemma that is best discussed in therapy. We cannot give direct advice on whether someone stays in their relationship or leaves. Generally speaking, through the work of therapy most people can create healthy and fulfilling relationships. Many find peace of mind in knowing that they are trying everything they can to improve their relationship before making this decision. If you are seriously considering leaving your marriage, we encourage you to share this with your therapist and your partner so you can begin facing this challenge directly and work through the barriers that may be preventing you and your partner from having a great relationship.

Some couples begin therapy at a time when one or both are seriously considering divorce. Or, they may not want to divorce but they are not interested in working on their relationship at this particular time. During the assessment process we will explore your commitment levels to the relationship and to therapy itself.  Therapy tends to help couples tap into energy and hope. The assessment process with your therapist will help you develop more clarity. 

When we begin with a new couple we learn more about the nature of their arguments and inquire about the levels of emotional and physical safety that are present within the relationship. We can begin therapy with almost all couples that are experiencing high conflict or explosive arguments. If safety cannot be established in couples therapy, your therapist may determine that it is best for each partner to do their own individual therapy before starting couples therapy. If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship, please tell your therapist about this during an individual session so they can help you get the support you need. 

Our therapists continuously assess the relationship dynamics of our clients including situational couples violence and intimate partner terrorism. Many couples struggle with situational partner violence which involves behavior that becomes abusive during times of distress. We safely help our clients stop this behavior and learn ways to cope and emotionally regulate without causing harm to their partner or relationship. Intimate partner terrorism is characterized by one partner asserting high levels of control, power and dominance over the other. Couples therapy is not safe if intimate partner terrorism is present. Your therapist will take the appropriate steps to ensure that you are safe and provide you with resources, however they will not be able to proceed with couples therapy.

If you are being abused, whether this is physically, emotionally, mentally, financially or sexually, couples therapy may not be safe. We encourage you to share this information in an individual session with your therapist. Or, begin individual therapy so we can support you with next steps that will prioritize your safety. If you do not feel safe enough to bring this information forward to one of our therapists please contact another therapist. To educate yourself on abuse in relationships at The Hotline website https://www.thehotline.org/.  Or visit the Community Resource Center https://crcncc.org/get-help/domestic-violence-services/ .

Yes, couples therapy will help. Couples struggle with parenting for a variety of reasons. Our work together will begin with helping you and your spouse communicate better. Once couples do this, they can solve most parenting problems on their own, or with some basic guidance. Sometimes we discover that a couple really could benefit from parent counseling or family therapy. In this case, we will collaborate with you to adjust goals for our work together. 

Yes. We work with couples practicing consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, swinging, and open marriages. Therapy can help you engage in meaningful dialogue, support each other during challenges, and keep connection strong while navigating the complexities of multiple relationships. 

Some couples come into therapy expecting that their problems will be solved in one or two sessions. Although we want to see clients meet their goals as quickly as possible, it takes time to create lasting change. Most couples can expect to complete a minimum of 8 to 12 sessions of therapy. This being said, you are never obligated to a certain number of sessions and you can end counseling with us at any time.

For therapy to be effective, clients should expect to meet once per week for 50 minutes. Generally we will reserve a recurring weekly day/time for you. If you want to meet more or less than this, talk to your therapist. 

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is an evidence based practice. Ninety percent of couples that move through the EFT process find that their relationship improves and seventy percent of couples move from a distressed state to a satisfied state. To learn more about EFT research visit www.iceeft.com